


rising

by thir13enth



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, PTSD, Recovery, Shiro-centric drabble, written for Shiro x Rest Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 09:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14713572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thir13enth/pseuds/thir13enth
Summary: Every time he faces his fears, he asks himself: Who is he? Where is he? When is he? and What is he doing here? —The answer becomes clearer with every passing day.





	rising

**Author's Note:**

> written for the [Shiro x Rest Zine](https://shiroxrest.tumblr.com/) — with many many lovely works that I am incredibly privileged to be among

Everything begins at sunrise.

He wakes with a start and the sound of echoing screams. He clamors out of bed, rummages quickly through his supplies. He’s completely disoriented but he’s trained as a soldier and his natural instincts kick in without fail.

Only after his gun is charged and his back is pressed tight against the wall and his hand is steady on the door handle leading to the hall outside his room does he process what’s going on. So quickly, he asks himself:

Who is he? Shiro, proud alumni of the Garrison. What is he doing here? The Institution urged him to collect classified research from a supposedly mad scientist. Where is he? Kerberos, hundreds of light-years away from the only home he’s known. When is it? The month of June, just a week after Matt and him landed ship on this desert hell of a planet and Shiro discovered the “mad scientist” they were picking up was actually just the one and only Holt father.

And how is he moving forward?

Well fuck if he knows.

So he goes, and when he crashes out through his door, the blinding light of the rising two Kerberos suns hits him and he squints in an attempt to see but all he can make out are the overwhelming silhouettes of a battle long lost.

He can’t do anything, he realizes, over and over again — as desperately as he tries to fight, as stubbornly as he tries to escape, as persistently as he tries to save his body and the remaining bits of his broken mind.

He’s embattled and he’s imprisoned and he’s sacrificed, and every time the light in his cell flickers on and every time the bright white spotlights of the arena shine down on him and every time the operating room lights cast pale overtones over his body, his heart stops and his breath freezes and he retreats within himself wishing to wake up from this horrible and drawn out nightmare.

Only in the dark cold corners of his cell under the soft glow of the stars does he find comfort. Even among unfamiliar constellations in the blackest of nights, he knows he is safe.

It’s ironic — he remembers being afraid of the dark as a child, growing anxious under an amber sky and lengthening shadows. He only wanted to be in the light — but that was when he was on Earth, where humans owned everything they set their eyes on.

Light, he realizes, is only for the predator that needs to see the world it rules. And here, captive on a Galran ship, Shiro is prey and Shiro does not want to be found — and so from now on, Shiro is afraid of the light.

It is the hardest fear to conquer. Even long after the war.

When they return home, everyone wants to go to their favorite places on Earth, and everyone especially wants Shiro to enjoy every activity in the very packed schedule of their weeklong vacation before going back to the Garrison – including Slav, who Shiro knows means the best even when calculating the mortality rates per every step forward or surmising the advantages of an alternate universe.

So Lance takes them to soft sand beaches and turquoise blue waters, Hunk takes them to the top of the mountains for camping and smores, Keith takes them to an intense championship of laser tag, Pidge takes them to visit historical museums featuring technology of the old and new ages, and Allura and Coran are infinitely obsessed with photographing everything with these “antiquated and obsolete” polaroid cameras.

But Shiro does not like the blinding white sand and the shimmers reflecting off the ocean waves. Shiro does not like fire or smoke or beams off mirrors or computer blips or flashes of a camera light. In fact, Shiro doesn’t like anything bright.

Most of all, Shiro does not like the rising sun. He does not like the blood red and fire orange and neon yellow colors that surface over the horizon to eat away at the serene purple and navy remnants of the night skies. He does not want to leave from under the covers of his bed and he does not have the energy to do anything.

But his friends are patient and his friends are convincing. The beach is not bad with the sunglasses that Lance offers him, the coal-fueled campfire Hunk sets up burns slow and steady, the blacklight backdrops Keith prepares during their game does not strain his eyes, the exhibits Pidge picks don’t have spotlights or moving lights, and Allura puts her finger over the flash until one day, Shiro realizes his eyes are actually open in their group pictures.

Every day still starts with the sun and every quiet night still ends at the crack of dawn, but Shiro tries his best to awaken with not the reminder of the yesterday but instead the promise of a tomorrow.

Today, he wakes to the sound of incessantly cheerful birds and the soft whir of his arm warming up.

Leisurely, he stretches out of bed and strolls to the window. His eyes hurt at the sight of the sunlight spilling out from under and between the curtains and his heart hesitates as he grasps the drapes, but he breathes in and out deeply like he is taught in therapy and reminds himself:

Who is he? Shiro, retired Defender of the universe. What is he doing here? Teaching at the Garrison and slowly working on a memoir when the students give him rest from their many curious questions. Where is he? Earth, finally, with his newfound friends and his reunited family. When is it? The month of June, a year after Voltron was decommissioned, having completed its ultimate mission to restore peace across galaxies.

And how is he moving forward?

One day at a time.

Then, he lets the light in and he faces the rising sun.


End file.
